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Hi there !
Once again, I'll take you through my sequel and further thoughts about sexual assault.
After I had left the blogpost “A story about sexual assault” open for the world to read, the boy of fifteen, who’s all grown up now and a respectful man, reached out to me to apologize. To tell me that he struggled with this his entire life and had always wondered if what had happened in that attic had caused some trouble.
Only later in his life, when he got older, he realized what he had done. He thanked me for writing the blogpost, for telling my story, for not mentioning his name and for accepting his apology. It was a relief for him to finally know now, to have spoken with me and to know he had been forgiven.
I'm expressing an (probably) unpopular opinion here, but take a moment to read how men themselves suffer from this. Suffer under the "perpetration" from a curious action from young ignorance and too little conscious education about feelings, instincts, drives and emotions. Men, even the good men, are always being shamed about their natural urges; but how to do it, how to use them, where to leave them, how to behave correctly, etc.. (Especially for adolescents) This is often forgotten. Here we miss, at least in the school systems, a complete, fascinating and sincere education!
I realized I didn’t talk about this in my first post.
But I forgave the boy, who was only fifteen years old, already years ago! So when he reached out, I told him this; Years ago when I got curious and dared to look him up on social media, read a blog he wrote and got to know how his life was from a distance, I realized I wasn’t mad at this man. This boy who grew up as (for as far I could see, read and hear) a good man. I realized my situation, my trauma responses were no longer a part of who this man is today now as a person. I’m able to separate that. I don’t blame this boy but I have my doubts around the education system. I would lie if I said that his apology left me cold. I was positively surprised that he remembered and dared to contact me. So I’m really grateful he reached out and told me his side of the story and how he wondered about that situation his entire life. Yes, because of what happened I had to deal with the consequences and the trauma in my body memory. But he himself at that time was getting to know his sexuality, and I’m almost sure of the fact if he had been educated better over how to deal with it, was taught how to communicate about it, had learned that what he feels is not taboo, and how to interact correctly with girls, etc.. This situation would not have taken place!
It’s my healing journey now and I’m sure he suffered enough, and took responsibility to respectfully apologize. And I’m grateful for that, because this also helped me in my journey. And so many women and girls don’t even get to have that.
I don’t want to say that it is okay for teenagers to act that way, because it is absolutely not!
I have the privilege to know that this boy grew up to be a respectful man and at that very moment he acted out of curiosity and ignorance of the consequences.
I almost feel like some kind of freedom fighter for better and more conscious education for teenagers about these subjects! Without them having the feeling as if what they are feeling is taboo. Because, yes, we all got a sex education at the age of 12. But do you all remember how that went? A teacher in front of your class who was already nervous to talk about this in front of a class full of teenagers; That alone, made everybody feel like it’s taboo to talk about it. And then they just play a little movie about what sex is, how it works, that you fall in love or feel attracted to each other and the magic happens. But let's be honest, does ‘the’ magic really happen that way?
Let’s be really honest; Who got deflowered as they imagined it would be or how it had been “promised” to you by your boyfriend, movies, stories, etc.. ? And for the men; who feels guilty that maybe he didn't meet her expectations or might have wanted to do things differently if you had known better?
I didn’t, I made the wrong choices, I wasn’t ready and I’m sure I’m not alone in this. If you like to share your story with me, I’m here to listen. You can contact me via email or chat. If you want to but you are in doubt, that is understandable, I didn’t talk about it for a long time, let alone to someone I didn’t know. I’m looking forward to meet you.
So, is there a desperate need for better sex and assault education? yes.
Is there also a need for an education in consciousness and having all the rights of owning your body without guilt? I say, Yes.
Maybe I should teach myself and get some education in how to speak in public and go give those educations to teenagers myself instead of pleading for it.
What do you think?
I’m also playing with the idea of starting a group, coming together maybe once a month or more, for teens and adults that struggle with being sexual assaulted and work with them/you in a creative way, making art, teaching you how to put those emotions on a paper, how to put them out of your body, in a safe environment.
If you are interested in this, please subscribe to my newsletter. This way you will stay informed and you will be anonymous for the time being. You can also contact me privately if this feels better for you.
Looking forward to meet you and hear and see your story!
